Well all my wonderful friends who read my blog - I have converted over to wordpress. I find that it has all the features I love and feel it easier to move around with. So please follow me there. I have transfered all my blogs to there also - so no difference!
You can find me there as http://stephaniesrambles.wordpress.com
Thanks friends!
(if I can find a way to do an automatic transfer over to that page I will be applying it.... or if you know how that would be even greater.) :)
Love!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
I met a man...
Yep, I met a man today who was sitting on the bench outside the court house. He was VERY old and as I was walking by he said "Hey young lady, I have a question." I was quite startled as I was practically running to get to court. I stopped for a brief second and said said "Yes, sir?" he said "Well?" I didn't quite understand what the question was and then noticed that he looking at the bench next to him eyeing me to sit down. This was REALLY not a good time. I had been called to come down to court to deliver a much needed file for a trial. I stuttered a bit as I told the man I was heading in to court but if he had a quick question I'd be happy to answer. He hung his head, almost hurt by my answer, and simply said, "no, run along." I fed out my most sincerest apologies which even at the time didn't seem sincere enough and went along my way.... which was even faster than my hurried pace before. I made it up the courts steps, through the detectors, into the court room, and gave my files to the attorney with absolutely no time to spare. Then I breathed. :) I decided to take a walk back along the water to see if the old man was still there on the bench. As I glanced along the benches he was not there. I was a little sad but shrugged it off. 'He must have asked someone else his question' I thought. I decided to stroll along the water anyway, when I spotted him (cane and all) moving as slow as anyone could possibly move.... I trotted to catch up with him. I decided to ask him if he still had that question. But I completely startled him and he jumped and completely dropped his cane, he truly didn't hear me coming up! But he did still have a question for me, and this question I think changed the course of my entire day. He asked....
"Have you ever taken time to love strangers?" I just smiled and thought really? this is what he wanted to ask me? He didn't want to ask me how to get to court? or where the Chinese restaurant was. Or how much the Ferry Cost. He asks me this! I didn't know exactly how to respond so I just smiled waiting for him to continue. And he responded with that same "Well?" again waiting for an action from me. This time I said "well, of course sir. I guess I've loved a stranger before." As we were walking this man looked out across the water and began to tell me a story.... It goes a little something like this:
"Today, I celebrate my 63rd wedding anniversary, all because my wife took time to love a stranger. We met right here in Portsmouth. I was a navy fella back then, and Margaret a beautiful brunette. You see she loved to love strangers. She would feed food to folks that didn't have any. She gave clothes to people who couldn't afford none. but this one day she met this fella - me you see - and she told me that someone loved me. I showed up in her church every sunday for a month. and she finally went out on a date with me. then the next month I asked her to marry me. Today is our 63rd Wedding anniversary all because she loved a stranger enough to tell me about Jesus. So every year on this day I come here and tell one person about Jesus. And I picked you."
I met a man who told me about Jesus - because his wife told him first. :) And that is special. It's a great great story. And that man is a great man. I love that He's loving strangers as well. I left that old man today and I found myself wondering if his wife has gone home to be with her King in Heaven - or if maybe she was waiting at home for him. James said probably the first - because otherwise - She probably would have been along side of him... Loving strangers as well. :)
"Have you ever taken time to love strangers?" I just smiled and thought really? this is what he wanted to ask me? He didn't want to ask me how to get to court? or where the Chinese restaurant was. Or how much the Ferry Cost. He asks me this! I didn't know exactly how to respond so I just smiled waiting for him to continue. And he responded with that same "Well?" again waiting for an action from me. This time I said "well, of course sir. I guess I've loved a stranger before." As we were walking this man looked out across the water and began to tell me a story.... It goes a little something like this:
"Today, I celebrate my 63rd wedding anniversary, all because my wife took time to love a stranger. We met right here in Portsmouth. I was a navy fella back then, and Margaret a beautiful brunette. You see she loved to love strangers. She would feed food to folks that didn't have any. She gave clothes to people who couldn't afford none. but this one day she met this fella - me you see - and she told me that someone loved me. I showed up in her church every sunday for a month. and she finally went out on a date with me. then the next month I asked her to marry me. Today is our 63rd Wedding anniversary all because she loved a stranger enough to tell me about Jesus. So every year on this day I come here and tell one person about Jesus. And I picked you."
I met a man who told me about Jesus - because his wife told him first. :) And that is special. It's a great great story. And that man is a great man. I love that He's loving strangers as well. I left that old man today and I found myself wondering if his wife has gone home to be with her King in Heaven - or if maybe she was waiting at home for him. James said probably the first - because otherwise - She probably would have been along side of him... Loving strangers as well. :)
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Not so funny.
What you likely know about me (my mom and my sister as well) is that I laugh... no wait not just laugh, boisterously, vivaciously, convulse in embarassing cackles when someone (including myself) fall down. I did note that it is very embarassing and this is a habit that embarrases not only myself but my entire family as well. I (my mom and sister included) laugh so hard that.... even when you've fallen pretty hard and it seems to look like you were hurt - unless you've caughten me in an "off moment" -- I have to pull myself together before asking you if you are ok.
THIS IS VERY VERY SAD in which I think... all of us (my mom, sister, and myself) need therapy! haha but for now. I leave you with a new impression of me if you did not know this already and likely a new fear of never falling in front of me (or the other girls in my family). :)
I say all this to get to a very fine point. I DO NOT think it is funny when I stub a toe or hit my elbow. (though - if said stubbing toe is accompanied by a trip - then well yes - it's funny.) Which brings me to my story of the evening....... No laughter needed.
Tonight I got to spend the evening with my great friends and see the Hot Ryan Reynolds in The Proposal. Great Movie! And it was a great evening. (minus all the traffic I sat in getting to and from Hampton). Upon arriving home I was pretty excited about seeing James and I was prancing up our three steps to get into the house and as luck would have it... I didn't quite judge my steps just right and stubbed my toe on the top step. If I was the type I think I could have came up with many naughty words to say! I said my share of darns and shoots and one long uuuuuuugggggghhhhhhh.... and made my way into the house to find James not there. Yes, he was across the street at our WONDERFUL neighbors house. So I mosy my way over there. I decided that I would NOT walk in the grass because that would get my feet wet.... so I edged along the driveway, barely fitting between the grass and the tires of the cars. So focused on keeping my feet on the pavement I never thought about protecting my elbow. As you can imagine.... WHACK right into the mirror turning it inward. I'm still not certain what my elbow was doing up that high and how it hit it so hard... but even as I'm typing its making my elbow begin to throb again. UUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH this time. not even a grin... because it wasn't even the least bit funny to me.... I stood in my place for a minute or two and then finally crossed over to my neighbors house. We were there for a bit. After coming back in, I was walking through the house and I stubbed my toe in the kitchen.... the only difference about this one is - James saw me and just laughed and laughed.... and then of course I laughed. (But it secretly wasn't funny at first because it was the same toe I had stubbed on that darn step.) So all this to say, I'm secretly glad that James laughed at me because I probably would be going to bed a little bitter tonight about all these minor accidents. And yes, maybe mom, my sister, and I do get a little carried away in this behavior that we truly can't help - (trust me there are times we wish we could) - but maybe most of the time laughing it off is better than being embarassed of the fall, or bitter that you fell, or like tonight a little frutsrated that you stubbed you toe or hit your elbow. haha maybe it will add a few years to your life if you laughed when you fell.... or when other people fell. :)
For your enjoyment - people falling. :)
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THIS IS VERY VERY SAD in which I think... all of us (my mom, sister, and myself) need therapy! haha but for now. I leave you with a new impression of me if you did not know this already and likely a new fear of never falling in front of me (or the other girls in my family). :)
I say all this to get to a very fine point. I DO NOT think it is funny when I stub a toe or hit my elbow. (though - if said stubbing toe is accompanied by a trip - then well yes - it's funny.) Which brings me to my story of the evening....... No laughter needed.
Tonight I got to spend the evening with my great friends and see the Hot Ryan Reynolds in The Proposal. Great Movie! And it was a great evening. (minus all the traffic I sat in getting to and from Hampton). Upon arriving home I was pretty excited about seeing James and I was prancing up our three steps to get into the house and as luck would have it... I didn't quite judge my steps just right and stubbed my toe on the top step. If I was the type I think I could have came up with many naughty words to say! I said my share of darns and shoots and one long uuuuuuugggggghhhhhhh.... and made my way into the house to find James not there. Yes, he was across the street at our WONDERFUL neighbors house. So I mosy my way over there. I decided that I would NOT walk in the grass because that would get my feet wet.... so I edged along the driveway, barely fitting between the grass and the tires of the cars. So focused on keeping my feet on the pavement I never thought about protecting my elbow. As you can imagine.... WHACK right into the mirror turning it inward. I'm still not certain what my elbow was doing up that high and how it hit it so hard... but even as I'm typing its making my elbow begin to throb again. UUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH this time. not even a grin... because it wasn't even the least bit funny to me.... I stood in my place for a minute or two and then finally crossed over to my neighbors house. We were there for a bit. After coming back in, I was walking through the house and I stubbed my toe in the kitchen.... the only difference about this one is - James saw me and just laughed and laughed.... and then of course I laughed. (But it secretly wasn't funny at first because it was the same toe I had stubbed on that darn step.) So all this to say, I'm secretly glad that James laughed at me because I probably would be going to bed a little bitter tonight about all these minor accidents. And yes, maybe mom, my sister, and I do get a little carried away in this behavior that we truly can't help - (trust me there are times we wish we could) - but maybe most of the time laughing it off is better than being embarassed of the fall, or bitter that you fell, or like tonight a little frutsrated that you stubbed you toe or hit your elbow. haha maybe it will add a few years to your life if you laughed when you fell.... or when other people fell. :)
For your enjoyment - people falling. :)
http://
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Longing....
So the verse that heads my entire blogs speaks of how God is made perfect in my weakness, and how I am to delight in my hardships, my insults, my weaknesses, my difficulties and even my persecutions... all because in these moments it is when God is made perfect because it is by his strength I am able to go forth. His grace IS sufficient. (It is by far one of my favorite verses) I think the topic in which I'm about to write falls into all the aformentioned categories, and every so often I fall on my knees in tears asking God to remind me that his grace is sufficient and that my aches and difficulties and this weakness... are made perfect - because even though I am weak, He IS strong... and even though I hurt - He is a sympathetic God and His strength will pull me through.
This is something I'm often hesitant to bring up to most people because it's one that really does ache deep within. It's my longing to have a family beyond just James and I. The longing to have my house filled with a childs gallant cackle and broken valuables. The desire to wipe tear stained eyes over a skint knees or spilt milk. I would love to read bible bedtime stories and dress my kids up for church. To raise my kids in a loving home and see them off to college and eventually onto their own family, maybe live long enough to be a grandma even... who knows. My longing for children extends so deep that I literraly ache. It's a true struggle within me to not be angry over the idea of never carrying my own child and loving one as my own. The idea of adoption or surrogacy is so expensive that I don't see how James and I will ever be able to afford it. I find myself in a worry by the time we are financially prepared to adopt that they may not let me because of my medical history - the same reason I can't carry my own child. I love being a transplant patient - it implements all things GOOD. But my whole life all I ever wanted to be was a mom and then a Teacher. And my transplant has stripped me of both of those. How can you be angry at something that has given you life... and one I LOVE by the way... but the one thing you long for you know you can't have... and will likely never have. Without my transplant I didn't have a chance at either of the two anyway.... but having a family - with children.... I never imagined myself not having that. It wasn't until my senior year of college that I actually found out I wouldn't be able to have kids because of my transplant. I don't think I ever knew. And now I struggle with the idea all the time - when I see a baby in the grocery store. When I see my cousins with their own. When my neighbors little boy yells out across the street at James and I. It's a longing and desire that I pray every single day that God would decrease or help me manage a little better. And every single day my desire grows more.
I love James and the way he loves me. He wants a family as much as I do... and yet he chose to ask for my hand in marriage knowing the possibility of never having a child to call his own. That is a strong guy, a selfless man, and a husband who walks with me through every step of our marriage. I love that he chose me despite and loves me sacrificially. God matched us together just right... and for that I love my husband for saying yes to that match... and for loving me in a way I never thought was possible.
So... I made a blog to share the best and worse parts. This is a worse for me. :) If you want to be praying - this is a BIG area that I personally could use prayer for... and as a family, James and I both could use it. We plan and hopefully one day will be able to adopt and bring a child into our home. But it's a long way off..... and until that day comes, we need a lot of prayer.
This is something I'm often hesitant to bring up to most people because it's one that really does ache deep within. It's my longing to have a family beyond just James and I. The longing to have my house filled with a childs gallant cackle and broken valuables. The desire to wipe tear stained eyes over a skint knees or spilt milk. I would love to read bible bedtime stories and dress my kids up for church. To raise my kids in a loving home and see them off to college and eventually onto their own family, maybe live long enough to be a grandma even... who knows. My longing for children extends so deep that I literraly ache. It's a true struggle within me to not be angry over the idea of never carrying my own child and loving one as my own. The idea of adoption or surrogacy is so expensive that I don't see how James and I will ever be able to afford it. I find myself in a worry by the time we are financially prepared to adopt that they may not let me because of my medical history - the same reason I can't carry my own child. I love being a transplant patient - it implements all things GOOD. But my whole life all I ever wanted to be was a mom and then a Teacher. And my transplant has stripped me of both of those. How can you be angry at something that has given you life... and one I LOVE by the way... but the one thing you long for you know you can't have... and will likely never have. Without my transplant I didn't have a chance at either of the two anyway.... but having a family - with children.... I never imagined myself not having that. It wasn't until my senior year of college that I actually found out I wouldn't be able to have kids because of my transplant. I don't think I ever knew. And now I struggle with the idea all the time - when I see a baby in the grocery store. When I see my cousins with their own. When my neighbors little boy yells out across the street at James and I. It's a longing and desire that I pray every single day that God would decrease or help me manage a little better. And every single day my desire grows more.
I love James and the way he loves me. He wants a family as much as I do... and yet he chose to ask for my hand in marriage knowing the possibility of never having a child to call his own. That is a strong guy, a selfless man, and a husband who walks with me through every step of our marriage. I love that he chose me despite and loves me sacrificially. God matched us together just right... and for that I love my husband for saying yes to that match... and for loving me in a way I never thought was possible.
So... I made a blog to share the best and worse parts. This is a worse for me. :) If you want to be praying - this is a BIG area that I personally could use prayer for... and as a family, James and I both could use it. We plan and hopefully one day will be able to adopt and bring a child into our home. But it's a long way off..... and until that day comes, we need a lot of prayer.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Dog Whisperer???? pshhh.
I debated on labeling this blog, my perfect dog. :) haha. Sometimes I wish the Dog Whisperer, Ceaser Milan, himself would just come invade my house for a day and teach my medium size dog with an enormous personality how to quit jumping in people's faces when they walk in the door then leaving puddles all over my floor from her excitement. And yes, by puddles, I do mean nice yellow puddles. Ceaser says we should get in tune with our dog's emotions and then pretty much get them to chill out... Ok and if he read my blog he'd shake his head at those words. :) But basically that's the key. So I've been trying REALLY hard to train Maya NOT to jump. But we don't get that much of an opportunity because really... she's not HALF as excited to jump on James or I as she is my sister Amber or my best friend Kim. So basically.... we've got her not jumping on us most days which is an accomplishment.
Tonight, however, Kim came over for a visit. And Miss Maya goes FRANTIC. Even after having gone outside whatever was at the top of her bladder that didn't make it's way out while she was outside made its way out into her infamous yellow puddles. Maybe I should train her to write your name as you come into the door by turning precise circles... instead of trying to teach her not to jump. :) Then I'd actually enjoy this nasty habbit. Anyhow, then she proceeds to jump circles around kim. So I immediately go into Ceaser mode and move maya away from distraction and into the hall. "Maya Sit" she sits for a .02 seconds and gets up.... walk her back. "Maya Sit" a little better this time... .05 seconds. "NO MAYA. HERE." walk her back. "Maya Sit" Maya thinks - okay I get it, sit... go see kim... 2.0 seconds this time.- "MAYA NOOO. HERE. NOW." walk her back. "MAYA SIT" (all the while my intentions are to actually make her lay down and stay and cool off haha) So finally this time we make it to "DOWN" "STAY" and she stays..... *sigh* I walk to the end of the hall... and talk and talk.. because thats what Ceasar does. And I'm waiting for Maya to get into a relax state. But it isn't working. She's sitting there just tapping her tail HARD on the floor just waiting for me to say the magic words because she's knows its coming. NO RELAXATION IN SIGHT. CEASAR it's NOT WORKING!. Finally her tail quits wagging her ears look different she sort of looks relaxed... but James says her hip isn't turned. but I let her up anyway. (did I mentioned that all the while my chinese food is sitting on the table - and I haven't had anything to eat since YESTERDAY). So I say the magic word. "OKAY" ZOOOOM Maya flies past me and straight to Kim. Jump Jump Jump Jump - though rest assured no more yellow puddles - Bladder on E. :) Oh- Maya - I don't want to be dog whisperer anymore. But I'm determined. So I'm relaxed. Milan says I'm supposed to be. I walk her to the hall. "SIT" -She Doesn't. "SIT" She Doesn't. "MAYA SIT" (okay so I failed the dog whisperer test... I'm getting annoyed that she won't put her butt on the ground even though she can.) finally I just stare at her.... "SIT" She does. "DOWN" She does. "STAY" she doesn't. UGHHHHHHHHHH
At this point... Kim is telling me to quit being dog whisperer because she is hungry. haha. And I'm not giving up. And Neither is Maya. This time she won't sit at all. So... Finally she does.... then completely rolls over on her side. SHE GAVE UP!! WHOOO HOOOO victory for me! SUBMISSION! I get to eat Chinese food and She, that stubborn mule, is going to stay! And she did. And when I Okayed her to get up... she sniffed food. and layed down again. And we all lived happily ever after. :)
Who says I can't be the Dog Whisperer. :) Even if it does take a thousand times.... or as James says. "You've been making her stay over there so long trying to get her to sit down her excitement wore off." Either way... she jumped a little less than usual. And that's a start!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Turn up the Music.
So I find that I'm normally am inspired to write a blog because of a song, which is funny given that I'm typically not drawn to music, other than I find it uplifting and good for my heart and absolutely beautiful. But I'm not one who chooses the radio over t.v. or a good book. And I don't even own an IPOD. :) Anyhow, tonight is no different. The "song of the blog" is "How You Live" by Point of Grace. I love this song because it reminds me to LIVE. Isn't it funny how sometimes we get so caught up in our daily routines of getting up and brushing our teeth, going to work and doing our jobs, coming home and doing our evening routine, which for me always means a yummy dinner :), and then getting back in bed just to get up to do it all over again.
It is a VERY big me to me to get up and LIVE. Not because, like everyone else, I don't know when tomorrow isn't going to come. Or because like everyone else, you only Live once so you may as well LIVE it. Or because I owe it to my heavenly Father to LIVE the Life He gave me with Purpose and Fullfill his desires for me - though this is VERY important to me as well. It also isn't important to to LIVE because I want to make a difference, though I hope in some small way I do.
But to me, the ulterior motive lies right in the middle of me. My ulterior motive lies with a set of unaddressed letters that have never been sent and an unamed family that I think of daily. A young child whose heart has grown greater inside of me and beats unyeilding as my own, the child who has lived on in me... who I get to LIVE for. I am grateful every morning for another breath. I have my Amazing God to thank for that. And I have the unnamed family to thank for their selfless gift of giving to me their child's heart almost 14 years ago. I have my own family to thank for bearing the burden of carrying their child through the years of painful medical bills (which by the way - they will tell you over and over that I am no burdern - but I know the hardship of bills and having piles of medical bills added on in anyway shape or form - out of the blue is a burden no matter how you look at it) :) and all the hours they spent with me and still do at the hospitals... a simple thank you isn't enough... but then again, NO words areor ever will be enough. Lets just say... they will get extra jewels on their crowns in Heaven. :) Alot of people have gone through a lot to keep me here. A child died, a family made a selfess decision and even though they knew they were going to live daily with out their son, daughter, sister, or brother they chose to give another family the life that they lost.
And for all these people, for the child that didn't live, I will. I will LIVE. I will spend my life not looking back wondering 'where has it gone and why didn't I...?' It's been a great passion of mine since the day I was transplanted, to live for those that took an effort to keep me here. So no matter how long God gives me, I'll LIVE. I'll "Turn Up My Music" as the song says on the days when I am forgetting to to truly live. Now is the time friends. All of you should live... for that one thing. Because we have one life, because we don't know when tomorrow isn't going to come, because God put you here with plan and purpose, because you can make a difference, because people care - whether you know them or not. I don't know the people that put the heart in my chest - who gave me life - but I know they care an awful lot.... or I wouldn't be here. It's that simple. Now, Go LIVE.
I learned how to post the video!! :) Check out the song I'm talking about if you have time!
It is a VERY big me to me to get up and LIVE. Not because, like everyone else, I don't know when tomorrow isn't going to come. Or because like everyone else, you only Live once so you may as well LIVE it. Or because I owe it to my heavenly Father to LIVE the Life He gave me with Purpose and Fullfill his desires for me - though this is VERY important to me as well. It also isn't important to to LIVE because I want to make a difference, though I hope in some small way I do.
But to me, the ulterior motive lies right in the middle of me. My ulterior motive lies with a set of unaddressed letters that have never been sent and an unamed family that I think of daily. A young child whose heart has grown greater inside of me and beats unyeilding as my own, the child who has lived on in me... who I get to LIVE for. I am grateful every morning for another breath. I have my Amazing God to thank for that. And I have the unnamed family to thank for their selfless gift of giving to me their child's heart almost 14 years ago. I have my own family to thank for bearing the burden of carrying their child through the years of painful medical bills (which by the way - they will tell you over and over that I am no burdern - but I know the hardship of bills and having piles of medical bills added on in anyway shape or form - out of the blue is a burden no matter how you look at it) :) and all the hours they spent with me and still do at the hospitals... a simple thank you isn't enough... but then again, NO words areor ever will be enough. Lets just say... they will get extra jewels on their crowns in Heaven. :) Alot of people have gone through a lot to keep me here. A child died, a family made a selfess decision and even though they knew they were going to live daily with out their son, daughter, sister, or brother they chose to give another family the life that they lost.
And for all these people, for the child that didn't live, I will. I will LIVE. I will spend my life not looking back wondering 'where has it gone and why didn't I...?' It's been a great passion of mine since the day I was transplanted, to live for those that took an effort to keep me here. So no matter how long God gives me, I'll LIVE. I'll "Turn Up My Music" as the song says on the days when I am forgetting to to truly live. Now is the time friends. All of you should live... for that one thing. Because we have one life, because we don't know when tomorrow isn't going to come, because God put you here with plan and purpose, because you can make a difference, because people care - whether you know them or not. I don't know the people that put the heart in my chest - who gave me life - but I know they care an awful lot.... or I wouldn't be here. It's that simple. Now, Go LIVE.
I learned how to post the video!! :) Check out the song I'm talking about if you have time!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Today.
Most of us know what to today is. Maybe not because we remembered it directly but because we likely saw it on the news last night just before heading to bed or woke up this morning and caught the 20 second clip of it again before heading off to work and going on about the rest of our days. But for those of us that were in college 2 years ago, today stands out as more than just another Thursday. Today stands out as more than just a day that marks a tragic event that some may or may not remember. Today marks a day that we’ll truly never forget.
Today, April 16, is the day that Seung-Hui Cho, a name that we’ll none forget, killed 32 people before turning the gun on himself, at Virginia Tech. It marks a day that changed the way Colleges all over the US functioned. And for a single day, many classes seized to go forth. At CNU students came together with people they didn’t know and cried, we prayed, and we gathered around with candles as the dawn set. The next morning we rose as the morning sun did and gathered together and prayed again. The entire university, normally bearing proud our school colors of blue and silver, bore the colors of Tech. We mourned the loss of those we knew and those we didn’t. We feared for our school and the security that wasn’t in place. We rattled our brains for what we could do to help contribute and comfort the ache that the kids at Tech felt and as the entire campus gathered on the lawn with candles and cried a mere 300 miles a way, we felt a connection with Tech just because we were college students.
And as college students are walking around today, graduated some of us, some still remembering as they attend classes and the memorial events that their campus will hold, it’s a hard day for us. Because we remember just what we were doing when we learned of the shooting. We remember being worried for our close friends at tech. We remember worrying that it could have been our University and it could happen in our class room. We remember the harsh reality of the whole thing and hoping that the large number of those dead that just kept increasing would be untrue. We remember just a few short weeks later taking several surveys on what we could do to better our security in our school and knowing that it was all due to the Tech massacre and feeling our hearts plummet all over again. We remember crying ourselves to sleep after hearing the names and learning more about all 32 students and teachers lost. We remember crying because we were just so impacted. And We remember the hope we felt by seeing all the students from every campus rallying together with one another in support of each other and in support of Tech.
There is another very selective group that will never forget today. And that is the family of the 33 lives taken on today, two years ago. As we hold memorials and as tech students and families ran the 3.2 miles for the 32 lives lost this morning, they too also remember turning on their TV and hoping, just hoping, that maybe it wasn’t their son, daughter, sister, brother, husband or wife involved in that awful thing. And hours later being confirmed of their most dreadful nightmares, what they feared most was true. Their beloved had not only been shot but also their life had been one of the one’s taken. They will never forget either.
So as you go to sleep tonight, remember today as the family members and friends remember it. Remember today as college students remember it. And remember it as your saw it happen 2 years ago. Remember the pain you felt, the shock you felt… Don’t forget that. Today is a day to be remembered... not a day to be forgotten.
As a college student during the tech massacre, I proudly wore my Maroon and Orange today… because on one day every year, we’re all Hokies.
Today, April 16, is the day that Seung-Hui Cho, a name that we’ll none forget, killed 32 people before turning the gun on himself, at Virginia Tech. It marks a day that changed the way Colleges all over the US functioned. And for a single day, many classes seized to go forth. At CNU students came together with people they didn’t know and cried, we prayed, and we gathered around with candles as the dawn set. The next morning we rose as the morning sun did and gathered together and prayed again. The entire university, normally bearing proud our school colors of blue and silver, bore the colors of Tech. We mourned the loss of those we knew and those we didn’t. We feared for our school and the security that wasn’t in place. We rattled our brains for what we could do to help contribute and comfort the ache that the kids at Tech felt and as the entire campus gathered on the lawn with candles and cried a mere 300 miles a way, we felt a connection with Tech just because we were college students.
And as college students are walking around today, graduated some of us, some still remembering as they attend classes and the memorial events that their campus will hold, it’s a hard day for us. Because we remember just what we were doing when we learned of the shooting. We remember being worried for our close friends at tech. We remember worrying that it could have been our University and it could happen in our class room. We remember the harsh reality of the whole thing and hoping that the large number of those dead that just kept increasing would be untrue. We remember just a few short weeks later taking several surveys on what we could do to better our security in our school and knowing that it was all due to the Tech massacre and feeling our hearts plummet all over again. We remember crying ourselves to sleep after hearing the names and learning more about all 32 students and teachers lost. We remember crying because we were just so impacted. And We remember the hope we felt by seeing all the students from every campus rallying together with one another in support of each other and in support of Tech.
There is another very selective group that will never forget today. And that is the family of the 33 lives taken on today, two years ago. As we hold memorials and as tech students and families ran the 3.2 miles for the 32 lives lost this morning, they too also remember turning on their TV and hoping, just hoping, that maybe it wasn’t their son, daughter, sister, brother, husband or wife involved in that awful thing. And hours later being confirmed of their most dreadful nightmares, what they feared most was true. Their beloved had not only been shot but also their life had been one of the one’s taken. They will never forget either.
So as you go to sleep tonight, remember today as the family members and friends remember it. Remember today as college students remember it. And remember it as your saw it happen 2 years ago. Remember the pain you felt, the shock you felt… Don’t forget that. Today is a day to be remembered... not a day to be forgotten.
As a college student during the tech massacre, I proudly wore my Maroon and Orange today… because on one day every year, we’re all Hokies.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Why I love My Husband.
This week has been a really hard week for me. With the loss of Grandma hovering over my heart it has given me ample time to rely on my husband for encouraging words and his ultimate wisdom. What most of you don't know about James is that his biggest desire is to see no one frown. And I mean that to the fullest extent of that sentence. He grows with great concern when sadness is upon anyones face, even a stranger. Which is something that I've come to greatly admire about him. But this tends to be one of his greatest struggles as well. In times like this, where we are grieving the loss of someone so dear to us, James wants desperately for everyone to be happy... and yet he knows that there is a season for everything. Meaning, that we just don't have to be happy at every moment. So as this week has come and gone, I've gained alot as I've watched James be an encouragement to me and even to my family and accept the tears that have fallen.
Having said all that... Just wanted to share a few of the times when James has managed to turn my frown upside down this week. :) Some are a little silly. And some are wise words that I have taken to heart.
"Steph, if there was a Top Gun for Wives... You'd be in it" - What I LOVE about this comment is that it not only does wonders for my heart as a great compliment to me and was totally random. But one of James' and my favorite all time movie is Top Gun. So not only did he bring joy to my eyes by reminding me that I'm doing ok as a wife after all, but by doing it in a way that I could relate to. I grew up watching this movie cuddling up on the couch with Dad hearing the jet blasts through the loud speakers and Tom Cruise weep the loss of his friend. Years later James and I pop this movie in on random weekends all the time. Being in the Top Gun categories of Wives... that's pretty cool :)
"You know when a guy can wake up next to a wonderful woman, smile because he can kiss her just before heading off to a job that he ACTUALLY looks forward to going to, works hard at the job he loves... but looks forward to the time he gets off to come home to his family... That's how you know when Life is good and You're Beyond Blessed." - James is right. How often do I forget how blessed I am. Especially this week when I dwell on the loss that is all around. We all need to be a little more appreciative just as James is. And yes again, this was a clear out of the blue comment.
"God made your hair match your eyes... just so." HAHA and I wasn't going to put this up here. But James said it and I loved it, "just so". Because it made me smile and I laughed at him because it was so funny to me at the time. But I actually found myself thinking about him saying it even after I was pretty positive he forgot he even said it. But to know my husband thinks inadvertently about the way God molded me makes my heart melt. God molded me "just so" and I absolutely love that. What was even greater about this single comment is that it took me out of my typical quiet time and to a Psalms and kept me there for a couple days, Psalms 139:13-16 to be more specific. I sort of just let my mind hover over how God made me "Just so" for a little while and it felt good. :) and actually brought a great comfort to me right now. God gave me just what I needed through James' quite silly random statement.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
"I'm proud of you, you know that right" - there are no greater words from a husband. Really.
"When did you become such an avid blogger?" hahhaha and as I round this one up. I don't find myself on the computer too often. But this one just makes me laugh. Because James has no idea that I'm writing this about him. And while I'm grinning ear to ear he pops his head around asking this question, first wondering what I'm doing on the computer looking all goofy for, and when I answered "just blogging" he responded with that. I don't think he reads my blogs. Which is funny to me... he one time said that blogs are for everyone else, I get to hear it before you write it. He's pretty much right... except about this one. haha :)
I love James for all kinds of reason. But thought I'd give you a little insight to what keeps me falling in love with him all the time. :)
Having said all that... Just wanted to share a few of the times when James has managed to turn my frown upside down this week. :) Some are a little silly. And some are wise words that I have taken to heart.
"Steph, if there was a Top Gun for Wives... You'd be in it" - What I LOVE about this comment is that it not only does wonders for my heart as a great compliment to me and was totally random. But one of James' and my favorite all time movie is Top Gun. So not only did he bring joy to my eyes by reminding me that I'm doing ok as a wife after all, but by doing it in a way that I could relate to. I grew up watching this movie cuddling up on the couch with Dad hearing the jet blasts through the loud speakers and Tom Cruise weep the loss of his friend. Years later James and I pop this movie in on random weekends all the time. Being in the Top Gun categories of Wives... that's pretty cool :)
"You know when a guy can wake up next to a wonderful woman, smile because he can kiss her just before heading off to a job that he ACTUALLY looks forward to going to, works hard at the job he loves... but looks forward to the time he gets off to come home to his family... That's how you know when Life is good and You're Beyond Blessed." - James is right. How often do I forget how blessed I am. Especially this week when I dwell on the loss that is all around. We all need to be a little more appreciative just as James is. And yes again, this was a clear out of the blue comment.
"God made your hair match your eyes... just so." HAHA and I wasn't going to put this up here. But James said it and I loved it, "just so". Because it made me smile and I laughed at him because it was so funny to me at the time. But I actually found myself thinking about him saying it even after I was pretty positive he forgot he even said it. But to know my husband thinks inadvertently about the way God molded me makes my heart melt. God molded me "just so" and I absolutely love that. What was even greater about this single comment is that it took me out of my typical quiet time and to a Psalms and kept me there for a couple days, Psalms 139:13-16 to be more specific. I sort of just let my mind hover over how God made me "Just so" for a little while and it felt good. :) and actually brought a great comfort to me right now. God gave me just what I needed through James' quite silly random statement.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
"I'm proud of you, you know that right" - there are no greater words from a husband. Really.
"When did you become such an avid blogger?" hahhaha and as I round this one up. I don't find myself on the computer too often. But this one just makes me laugh. Because James has no idea that I'm writing this about him. And while I'm grinning ear to ear he pops his head around asking this question, first wondering what I'm doing on the computer looking all goofy for, and when I answered "just blogging" he responded with that. I don't think he reads my blogs. Which is funny to me... he one time said that blogs are for everyone else, I get to hear it before you write it. He's pretty much right... except about this one. haha :)
I love James for all kinds of reason. But thought I'd give you a little insight to what keeps me falling in love with him all the time. :)
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Grandma.
I know I don't have many who read this. And I have failed to do my duty of updating. But tonight as I sit here, I ache with a great loss and ask the few of you who do read this to pray for my family as we are grieving the loss of someone so very dear to all of us.
My Great Grandma fought a long hard battle. She passed away early this morning with her family by her side. She struggled for breath for a long time and she suffered for more than a week with out food due to her inability to even take it in. She has finally found peace and no more pain in heaven. Finally joining with her God who she has longed to see and putting the sins of this world behind her. Then passionately coming face to face with the husband who she lost over 26 years ago and waited for ever since. And finally rejoicing and praising God with all the others she has loved dearly and ached for as she saw go home to heaven in her many years here on earth. My great grandma was 90 years old.
Though I've been at my grandma's side all week as she's entered her into her last days on earth and like the rest of the family have had many resltless and some nights of no sleep at all as I sat by my grandmother's side. I made the decision, with great influence from my family, to go on an overnight trip with James that had been paid for months ago. I said my final goodbyes, as I had a feeling she would not make it through the night, and then James and I headed off for Raleigh yesterday afternoon. I called a few times yesterday to check in and told them to make sure to call us if she went to be with Jesus during the night. We had planned to head out around 5 this morning and to be back around 8. Mom called with news around 5:30 not to head out too early that she didn't think Grandma would be too much longer before she went to meet Jesus. But we still decided to head home anyway. I wanted desperately to be back near everyone.
On our way home a song by Alan Jackson titled "Sissy's Song" came on. This overwhelming feeling came over me and in that moment I knew Grandma had passed. Before the song was even over my phone started ringing and it was mom.... confirming what I already knew.
It sounds weird doesn't it? But I couldn't tell you in a thousands words how real and true it was. It was like Grandma was telling me herself. "Don't worry about me, I'm home now. Don't worry about the decision you made to go on the trip, I'm home now. I'm in Heaven." It's so amazing to me how God can do things just right. I was kicking myself for not staying. Though, I was so glad to be with James and I know I made the right decision in my heart. I hated that I couldn't be there for Grandma. I was worried that she would have wanted me there. I was worried that I could have done something to console my family. I hated that I was going to have find out through a phone call. And I really didn't like the panicky feeling everytime my phone rang because of the news I was expecting. It was such a hard decision to be away. Then, God allows for this perfect song to play. I didn't need to panic when the phone rang that time, I already knew. God does take care of us... and all the senseless worries that we have.
And God will take care of us now. When our hearts are breaking for our loss and in all the same breath rejoicing for the gain that our Father has. He will take care of and personally catch every tear that drops. And he will give Grandma all the hugs that we can't. He will take care of her too. God is good.... all the time.
Please, if you could pray for my entire family as we grieve and prepare for the week ahead I would be grateful to you.
My Great Grandma fought a long hard battle. She passed away early this morning with her family by her side. She struggled for breath for a long time and she suffered for more than a week with out food due to her inability to even take it in. She has finally found peace and no more pain in heaven. Finally joining with her God who she has longed to see and putting the sins of this world behind her. Then passionately coming face to face with the husband who she lost over 26 years ago and waited for ever since. And finally rejoicing and praising God with all the others she has loved dearly and ached for as she saw go home to heaven in her many years here on earth. My great grandma was 90 years old.
Though I've been at my grandma's side all week as she's entered her into her last days on earth and like the rest of the family have had many resltless and some nights of no sleep at all as I sat by my grandmother's side. I made the decision, with great influence from my family, to go on an overnight trip with James that had been paid for months ago. I said my final goodbyes, as I had a feeling she would not make it through the night, and then James and I headed off for Raleigh yesterday afternoon. I called a few times yesterday to check in and told them to make sure to call us if she went to be with Jesus during the night. We had planned to head out around 5 this morning and to be back around 8. Mom called with news around 5:30 not to head out too early that she didn't think Grandma would be too much longer before she went to meet Jesus. But we still decided to head home anyway. I wanted desperately to be back near everyone.
On our way home a song by Alan Jackson titled "Sissy's Song" came on. This overwhelming feeling came over me and in that moment I knew Grandma had passed. Before the song was even over my phone started ringing and it was mom.... confirming what I already knew.
It sounds weird doesn't it? But I couldn't tell you in a thousands words how real and true it was. It was like Grandma was telling me herself. "Don't worry about me, I'm home now. Don't worry about the decision you made to go on the trip, I'm home now. I'm in Heaven." It's so amazing to me how God can do things just right. I was kicking myself for not staying. Though, I was so glad to be with James and I know I made the right decision in my heart. I hated that I couldn't be there for Grandma. I was worried that she would have wanted me there. I was worried that I could have done something to console my family. I hated that I was going to have find out through a phone call. And I really didn't like the panicky feeling everytime my phone rang because of the news I was expecting. It was such a hard decision to be away. Then, God allows for this perfect song to play. I didn't need to panic when the phone rang that time, I already knew. God does take care of us... and all the senseless worries that we have.
And God will take care of us now. When our hearts are breaking for our loss and in all the same breath rejoicing for the gain that our Father has. He will take care of and personally catch every tear that drops. And he will give Grandma all the hugs that we can't. He will take care of her too. God is good.... all the time.
Please, if you could pray for my entire family as we grieve and prepare for the week ahead I would be grateful to you.
"She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me"
Monday, February 16, 2009
Wonder to the place...
So every once in a while I let myself wonder to the place that so many others have. The place that inspired Bart Millard of Mercy Me to write "I Can Only Imagine" and "Finally Home." The place that motivated Jeremy Camp's newest single - "There will Be a Day," where he speaks of no more suffering, no more pain, and no more tears. The same place that influenced Barney Warren, a famous writer of hymns, to write many many songs about heaven including "Sweet Paradise", "I Have a Home," and "Beautiful." And even the folks that wrote the song that Brad Paisley sings so well "When I Get where I'm Going" in which he sings of shedding only happy tears, shedding all sins and struggles that was carried over the years, and he even sings of maybe riding on a rain drop.
This moment I have wondered to that place yet again. Imagining just what it will be like to see my savior face to face. To finally have Jesus physically wrap his arms around me into the tightest embrace. Sometimes I imagine that I would run as fast as I could and just pounce into the lap of my king. I think because of the visions from "I can only imagine" that I will stand in awe just before falling to my knees out of reverence for my Lord. I think I will weep in admiration and out of exultation. I sometimes imagine Him holding my face in His hands being just as exuberated to have me home as I am to be in His presence. I imagine that God will grant me the opportunity to visit with those I have missed most. I can't wait to hug my pop, my grandaddy, and my Grandma Lou. To share with them the things they missed and to let them know that I've learned from them even though they weren't on earth with me as long as I wished they were. To tell Grandma Lou that I shared the same dream as she did to visit the Egyptian Pyramids (and maybe even tell her I visited them depending on when I make it home) and that even though I was very little when she came home, there was never a moment that Daddy didn't remind me how much she loved me. To tell Grandaddy that I still blow pretty amazing bubbles and every wednesday night I still say a special prayer about him. And to tell Pop that I was a pro at playing cards and I think that I inherited his gentle spirit most of all. Those are the moments that I look forward to second after spending my long awaited time with Jesus. I look forward to seeing my Grandparents Healthy... no pain and no suffering... and cancer free. I look forward to asking Jesus all kinds of questions that I haven't been sure of the answer to here on earth. And I can't wait to meet Mary and tell her I admire her for her strength. I look forward to the great feast in heaven where we we all sit down together and eat... and won't get fat or sin by eating too much, we all know I can do that. :) I look forward to being healthy myself.
I'm so greatful for a Loving God who cared and loved so much that he would send a son and so that I may have a chance at this wonderful place called heaven. I look forward to my day when God calls me home. I know it won't be until He's ready. But I can only imagine what it will be like. What the angels will sing. I can't wait to be embraced by Jesus... I'm just so excited over that.... so excited. :)
This moment I have wondered to that place yet again. Imagining just what it will be like to see my savior face to face. To finally have Jesus physically wrap his arms around me into the tightest embrace. Sometimes I imagine that I would run as fast as I could and just pounce into the lap of my king. I think because of the visions from "I can only imagine" that I will stand in awe just before falling to my knees out of reverence for my Lord. I think I will weep in admiration and out of exultation. I sometimes imagine Him holding my face in His hands being just as exuberated to have me home as I am to be in His presence. I imagine that God will grant me the opportunity to visit with those I have missed most. I can't wait to hug my pop, my grandaddy, and my Grandma Lou. To share with them the things they missed and to let them know that I've learned from them even though they weren't on earth with me as long as I wished they were. To tell Grandma Lou that I shared the same dream as she did to visit the Egyptian Pyramids (and maybe even tell her I visited them depending on when I make it home) and that even though I was very little when she came home, there was never a moment that Daddy didn't remind me how much she loved me. To tell Grandaddy that I still blow pretty amazing bubbles and every wednesday night I still say a special prayer about him. And to tell Pop that I was a pro at playing cards and I think that I inherited his gentle spirit most of all. Those are the moments that I look forward to second after spending my long awaited time with Jesus. I look forward to seeing my Grandparents Healthy... no pain and no suffering... and cancer free. I look forward to asking Jesus all kinds of questions that I haven't been sure of the answer to here on earth. And I can't wait to meet Mary and tell her I admire her for her strength. I look forward to the great feast in heaven where we we all sit down together and eat... and won't get fat or sin by eating too much, we all know I can do that. :) I look forward to being healthy myself.
I'm so greatful for a Loving God who cared and loved so much that he would send a son and so that I may have a chance at this wonderful place called heaven. I look forward to my day when God calls me home. I know it won't be until He's ready. But I can only imagine what it will be like. What the angels will sing. I can't wait to be embraced by Jesus... I'm just so excited over that.... so excited. :)
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About Me
- Steph
- I love to eat applesauce with a lot of Sugar.
The obvious is that I ADORE my husband; the not so obvious is that I secretly enjoy watching the discovery and history channel with him!
Simple things are great joys.
Bubble baths and great books are the key to relaxing.
Jesus is the only way.
