Today.

Most of us know what to today is. Maybe not because we remembered it directly but because we likely saw it on the news last night just before heading to bed or woke up this morning and caught the 20 second clip of it again before heading off to work and going on about the rest of our days. But for those of us that were in college 2 years ago, today stands out as more than just another Thursday. Today stands out as more than just a day that marks a tragic event that some may or may not remember. Today marks a day that we’ll truly never forget.
Today, April 16, is the day that Seung-Hui Cho, a name that we’ll none forget, killed 32 people before turning the gun on himself, at Virginia Tech. It marks a day that changed the way Colleges all over the US functioned. And for a single day, many classes seized to go forth. At CNU students came together with people they didn’t know and cried, we prayed, and we gathered around with candles as the dawn set. The next morning we rose as the morning sun did and gathered together and prayed again. The entire university, normally bearing proud our school colors of blue and silver, bore the colors of Tech. We mourned the loss of those we knew and those we didn’t. We feared for our school and the security that wasn’t in place. We rattled our brains for what we could do to help contribute and comfort the ache that the kids at Tech felt and as the entire campus gathered on the lawn with candles and cried a mere 300 miles a way, we felt a connection with Tech just because we were college students.
And as college students are walking around today, graduated some of us, some still remembering as they attend classes and the memorial events that their campus will hold, it’s a hard day for us. Because we remember just what we were doing when we learned of the shooting. We remember being worried for our close friends at tech. We remember worrying that it could have been our University and it could happen in our class room. We remember the harsh reality of the whole thing and hoping that the large number of those dead that just kept increasing would be untrue. We remember just a few short weeks later taking several surveys on what we could do to better our security in our school and knowing that it was all due to the Tech massacre and feeling our hearts plummet all over again. We remember crying ourselves to sleep after hearing the names and learning more about all 32 students and teachers lost. We remember crying because we were just so impacted. And We remember the hope we felt by seeing all the students from every campus rallying together with one another in support of each other and in support of Tech.
There is another very selective group that will never forget today. And that is the family of the 33 lives taken on today, two years ago. As we hold memorials and as tech students and families ran the 3.2 miles for the 32 lives lost this morning, they too also remember turning on their TV and hoping, just hoping, that maybe it wasn’t their son, daughter, sister, brother, husband or wife involved in that awful thing. And hours later being confirmed of their most dreadful nightmares, what they feared most was true. Their beloved had not only been shot but also their life had been one of the one’s taken. They will never forget either.
So as you go to sleep tonight, remember today as the family members and friends remember it. Remember today as college students remember it. And remember it as your saw it happen 2 years ago. Remember the pain you felt, the shock you felt… Don’t forget that. Today is a day to be remembered... not a day to be forgotten.
As a college student during the tech massacre, I proudly wore my Maroon and Orange today… because on one day every year, we’re all Hokies.

Why I love My Husband.

This week has been a really hard week for me. With the loss of Grandma hovering over my heart it has given me ample time to rely on my husband for encouraging words and his ultimate wisdom. What most of you don't know about James is that his biggest desire is to see no one frown. And I mean that to the fullest extent of that sentence. He grows with great concern when sadness is upon anyones face, even a stranger. Which is something that I've come to greatly admire about him. But this tends to be one of his greatest struggles as well. In times like this, where we are grieving the loss of someone so dear to us, James wants desperately for everyone to be happy... and yet he knows that there is a season for everything. Meaning, that we just don't have to be happy at every moment. So as this week has come and gone, I've gained alot as I've watched James be an encouragement to me and even to my family and accept the tears that have fallen.
Having said all that... Just wanted to share a few of the times when James has managed to turn my frown upside down this week. :) Some are a little silly. And some are wise words that I have taken to heart.

"Steph, if there was a Top Gun for Wives... You'd be in it" - What I LOVE about this comment is that it not only does wonders for my heart as a great compliment to me and was totally random. But one of James' and my favorite all time movie is Top Gun. So not only did he bring joy to my eyes by reminding me that I'm doing ok as a wife after all, but by doing it in a way that I could relate to. I grew up watching this movie cuddling up on the couch with Dad hearing the jet blasts through the loud speakers and Tom Cruise weep the loss of his friend. Years later James and I pop this movie in on random weekends all the time. Being in the Top Gun categories of Wives... that's pretty cool :)

"You know when a guy can wake up next to a wonderful woman, smile because he can kiss her just before heading off to a job that he ACTUALLY looks forward to going to, works hard at the job he loves... but looks forward to the time he gets off to come home to his family... That's how you know when Life is good and You're Beyond Blessed." - James is right. How often do I forget how blessed I am. Especially this week when I dwell on the loss that is all around. We all need to be a little more appreciative just as James is. And yes again, this was a clear out of the blue comment.

"God made your hair match your eyes... just so." HAHA and I wasn't going to put this up here. But James said it and I loved it, "just so". Because it made me smile and I laughed at him because it was so funny to me at the time. But I actually found myself thinking about him saying it even after I was pretty positive he forgot he even said it. But to know my husband thinks inadvertently about the way God molded me makes my heart melt. God molded me "just so" and I absolutely love that. What was even greater about this single comment is that it took me out of my typical quiet time and to a Psalms and kept me there for a couple days, Psalms 139:13-16 to be more specific. I sort of just let my mind hover over how God made me "Just so" for a little while and it felt good. :) and actually brought a great comfort to me right now. God gave me just what I needed through James' quite silly random statement.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

"I'm proud of you, you know that right" - there are no greater words from a husband. Really.

"When did you become such an avid blogger?" hahhaha and as I round this one up. I don't find myself on the computer too often. But this one just makes me laugh. Because James has no idea that I'm writing this about him. And while I'm grinning ear to ear he pops his head around asking this question, first wondering what I'm doing on the computer looking all goofy for, and when I answered "just blogging" he responded with that. I don't think he reads my blogs. Which is funny to me... he one time said that blogs are for everyone else, I get to hear it before you write it. He's pretty much right... except about this one. haha :)

I love James for all kinds of reason. But thought I'd give you a little insight to what keeps me falling in love with him all the time. :)

Grandma.

I know I don't have many who read this. And I have failed to do my duty of updating. But tonight as I sit here, I ache with a great loss and ask the few of you who do read this to pray for my family as we are grieving the loss of someone so very dear to all of us.

My Great Grandma fought a long hard battle. She passed away early this morning with her family by her side. She struggled for breath for a long time and she suffered for more than a week with out food due to her inability to even take it in. She has finally found peace and no more pain in heaven. Finally joining with her God who she has longed to see and putting the sins of this world behind her. Then passionately coming face to face with the husband who she lost over 26 years ago and waited for ever since. And finally rejoicing and praising God with all the others she has loved dearly and ached for as she saw go home to heaven in her many years here on earth. My great grandma was 90 years old.

Though I've been at my grandma's side all week as she's entered her into her last days on earth and like the rest of the family have had many resltless and some nights of no sleep at all as I sat by my grandmother's side. I made the decision, with great influence from my family, to go on an overnight trip with James that had been paid for months ago. I said my final goodbyes, as I had a feeling she would not make it through the night, and then James and I headed off for Raleigh yesterday afternoon. I called a few times yesterday to check in and told them to make sure to call us if she went to be with Jesus during the night. We had planned to head out around 5 this morning and to be back around 8. Mom called with news around 5:30 not to head out too early that she didn't think Grandma would be too much longer before she went to meet Jesus. But we still decided to head home anyway. I wanted desperately to be back near everyone.

On our way home a song by Alan Jackson titled "Sissy's Song" came on. This overwhelming feeling came over me and in that moment I knew Grandma had passed. Before the song was even over my phone started ringing and it was mom.... confirming what I already knew.

It sounds weird doesn't it? But I couldn't tell you in a thousands words how real and true it was. It was like Grandma was telling me herself. "Don't worry about me, I'm home now. Don't worry about the decision you made to go on the trip, I'm home now. I'm in Heaven." It's so amazing to me how God can do things just right. I was kicking myself for not staying. Though, I was so glad to be with James and I know I made the right decision in my heart. I hated that I couldn't be there for Grandma. I was worried that she would have wanted me there. I was worried that I could have done something to console my family. I hated that I was going to have find out through a phone call. And I really didn't like the panicky feeling everytime my phone rang because of the news I was expecting. It was such a hard decision to be away. Then, God allows for this perfect song to play. I didn't need to panic when the phone rang that time, I already knew. God does take care of us... and all the senseless worries that we have.

And God will take care of us now. When our hearts are breaking for our loss and in all the same breath rejoicing for the gain that our Father has. He will take care of and personally catch every tear that drops. And he will give Grandma all the hugs that we can't. He will take care of her too. God is good.... all the time.

Please, if you could pray for my entire family as we grieve and prepare for the week ahead I would be grateful to you.

"She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels

By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees

And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting

And I know she's smiling saying

Don't worry 'bout me"

Watch Video:

Sissy's Song (Alan Jackson)

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