I met a man...

Yep, I met a man today who was sitting on the bench outside the court house. He was VERY old and as I was walking by he said "Hey young lady, I have a question." I was quite startled as I was practically running to get to court. I stopped for a brief second and said said "Yes, sir?" he said "Well?" I didn't quite understand what the question was and then noticed that he looking at the bench next to him eyeing me to sit down. This was REALLY not a good time. I had been called to come down to court to deliver a much needed file for a trial. I stuttered a bit as I told the man I was heading in to court but if he had a quick question I'd be happy to answer. He hung his head, almost hurt by my answer, and simply said, "no, run along." I fed out my most sincerest apologies which even at the time didn't seem sincere enough and went along my way.... which was even faster than my hurried pace before. I made it up the courts steps, through the detectors, into the court room, and gave my files to the attorney with absolutely no time to spare. Then I breathed. :) I decided to take a walk back along the water to see if the old man was still there on the bench. As I glanced along the benches he was not there. I was a little sad but shrugged it off. 'He must have asked someone else his question' I thought. I decided to stroll along the water anyway, when I spotted him (cane and all) moving as slow as anyone could possibly move.... I trotted to catch up with him. I decided to ask him if he still had that question. But I completely startled him and he jumped and completely dropped his cane, he truly didn't hear me coming up! But he did still have a question for me, and this question I think changed the course of my entire day. He asked....
"Have you ever taken time to love strangers?" I just smiled and thought really? this is what he wanted to ask me? He didn't want to ask me how to get to court? or where the Chinese restaurant was. Or how much the Ferry Cost. He asks me this! I didn't know exactly how to respond so I just smiled waiting for him to continue. And he responded with that same "Well?" again waiting for an action from me. This time I said "well, of course sir. I guess I've loved a stranger before." As we were walking this man looked out across the water and began to tell me a story.... It goes a little something like this:
"Today, I celebrate my 63rd wedding anniversary, all because my wife took time to love a stranger. We met right here in Portsmouth. I was a navy fella back then, and Margaret a beautiful brunette. You see she loved to love strangers. She would feed food to folks that didn't have any. She gave clothes to people who couldn't afford none. but this one day she met this fella - me you see - and she told me that someone loved me. I showed up in her church every sunday for a month. and she finally went out on a date with me. then the next month I asked her to marry me. Today is our 63rd Wedding anniversary all because she loved a stranger enough to tell me about Jesus. So every year on this day I come here and tell one person about Jesus. And I picked you."
I met a man who told me about Jesus - because his wife told him first. :) And that is special. It's a great great story. And that man is a great man. I love that He's loving strangers as well. I left that old man today and I found myself wondering if his wife has gone home to be with her King in Heaven - or if maybe she was waiting at home for him. James said probably the first - because otherwise - She probably would have been along side of him... Loving strangers as well. :)

Not so funny.

What you likely know about me (my mom and my sister as well) is that I laugh... no wait not just laugh, boisterously, vivaciously, convulse in embarassing cackles when someone (including myself) fall down. I did note that it is very embarassing and this is a habit that embarrases not only myself but my entire family as well. I (my mom and sister included) laugh so hard that.... even when you've fallen pretty hard and it seems to look like you were hurt - unless you've caughten me in an "off moment" -- I have to pull myself together before asking you if you are ok.
THIS IS VERY VERY SAD in which I think... all of us (my mom, sister, and myself) need therapy! haha but for now. I leave you with a new impression of me if you did not know this already and likely a new fear of never falling in front of me (or the other girls in my family). :)
I say all this to get to a very fine point. I DO NOT think it is funny when I stub a toe or hit my elbow. (though - if said stubbing toe is accompanied by a trip - then well yes - it's funny.) Which brings me to my story of the evening....... No laughter needed.

Tonight I got to spend the evening with my great friends and see the Hot Ryan Reynolds in The Proposal. Great Movie! And it was a great evening. (minus all the traffic I sat in getting to and from Hampton). Upon arriving home I was pretty excited about seeing James and I was prancing up our three steps to get into the house and as luck would have it... I didn't quite judge my steps just right and stubbed my toe on the top step. If I was the type I think I could have came up with many naughty words to say! I said my share of darns and shoots and one long uuuuuuugggggghhhhhhh.... and made my way into the house to find James not there. Yes, he was across the street at our WONDERFUL neighbors house. So I mosy my way over there. I decided that I would NOT walk in the grass because that would get my feet wet.... so I edged along the driveway, barely fitting between the grass and the tires of the cars. So focused on keeping my feet on the pavement I never thought about protecting my elbow. As you can imagine.... WHACK right into the mirror turning it inward. I'm still not certain what my elbow was doing up that high and how it hit it so hard... but even as I'm typing its making my elbow begin to throb again. UUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH this time. not even a grin... because it wasn't even the least bit funny to me.... I stood in my place for a minute or two and then finally crossed over to my neighbors house. We were there for a bit. After coming back in, I was walking through the house and I stubbed my toe in the kitchen.... the only difference about this one is - James saw me and just laughed and laughed.... and then of course I laughed. (But it secretly wasn't funny at first because it was the same toe I had stubbed on that darn step.) So all this to say, I'm secretly glad that James laughed at me because I probably would be going to bed a little bitter tonight about all these minor accidents. And yes, maybe mom, my sister, and I do get a little carried away in this behavior that we truly can't help - (trust me there are times we wish we could) - but maybe most of the time laughing it off is better than being embarassed of the fall, or bitter that you fell, or like tonight a little frutsrated that you stubbed you toe or hit your elbow. haha maybe it will add a few years to your life if you laughed when you fell.... or when other people fell. :)

For your enjoyment - people falling. :)
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Longing....

So the verse that heads my entire blogs speaks of how God is made perfect in my weakness, and how I am to delight in my hardships, my insults, my weaknesses, my difficulties and even my persecutions... all because in these moments it is when God is made perfect because it is by his strength I am able to go forth. His grace IS sufficient. (It is by far one of my favorite verses) I think the topic in which I'm about to write falls into all the aformentioned categories, and every so often I fall on my knees in tears asking God to remind me that his grace is sufficient and that my aches and difficulties and this weakness... are made perfect - because even though I am weak, He IS strong... and even though I hurt - He is a sympathetic God and His strength will pull me through.
This is something I'm often hesitant to bring up to most people because it's one that really does ache deep within. It's my longing to have a family beyond just James and I. The longing to have my house filled with a childs gallant cackle and broken valuables. The desire to wipe tear stained eyes over a skint knees or spilt milk. I would love to read bible bedtime stories and dress my kids up for church. To raise my kids in a loving home and see them off to college and eventually onto their own family, maybe live long enough to be a grandma even... who knows. My longing for children extends so deep that I literraly ache. It's a true struggle within me to not be angry over the idea of never carrying my own child and loving one as my own. The idea of adoption or surrogacy is so expensive that I don't see how James and I will ever be able to afford it. I find myself in a worry by the time we are financially prepared to adopt that they may not let me because of my medical history - the same reason I can't carry my own child. I love being a transplant patient - it implements all things GOOD. But my whole life all I ever wanted to be was a mom and then a Teacher. And my transplant has stripped me of both of those. How can you be angry at something that has given you life... and one I LOVE by the way... but the one thing you long for you know you can't have... and will likely never have. Without my transplant I didn't have a chance at either of the two anyway.... but having a family - with children.... I never imagined myself not having that. It wasn't until my senior year of college that I actually found out I wouldn't be able to have kids because of my transplant. I don't think I ever knew. And now I struggle with the idea all the time - when I see a baby in the grocery store. When I see my cousins with their own. When my neighbors little boy yells out across the street at James and I. It's a longing and desire that I pray every single day that God would decrease or help me manage a little better. And every single day my desire grows more.
I love James and the way he loves me. He wants a family as much as I do... and yet he chose to ask for my hand in marriage knowing the possibility of never having a child to call his own. That is a strong guy, a selfless man, and a husband who walks with me through every step of our marriage. I love that he chose me despite and loves me sacrificially. God matched us together just right... and for that I love my husband for saying yes to that match... and for loving me in a way I never thought was possible.
So... I made a blog to share the best and worse parts. This is a worse for me. :) If you want to be praying - this is a BIG area that I personally could use prayer for... and as a family, James and I both could use it. We plan and hopefully one day will be able to adopt and bring a child into our home. But it's a long way off..... and until that day comes, we need a lot of prayer.